How it Ends: A Mass Effect story
by The Idiot in a Tree
Summary: Joker and EDI or Emily, as she is known, later are at last given the glory they deserve. With a few stops on the way.


**Author's Note**

I never really thought I'd have ever have written this sort of work before. Having grown up with a mother and sister who are avid authors and firm believers in the arts, by default, it made me a little less inclined to even turn on the computer and start typing. Their odd fanaticism repelled me, and for most of my life up to this point, it's been tough for me to even accept the arts. Theater still is one of my bains, and I cannot leave my bigamist mindset behind. But this, this has opened my eyes a little to the world I live in. A world where man and woman can pick up the figurative pen, and leave behind a trail of magnificence. The worst part of it all is that the trails are so convoluted, when the media and the politicians are all done with it, that children who grew up like I did believe in only the strength of one's arm, not the power of his mind.

This, being my first story, is hereby dedicated to the unknown artists who've gone so long, and will keep going, in silence. Thanks, everyone, for letting the new minds open, and allowing them safe passage through the literary world.

Having gotten that off my chest, I'd like to describe the story you see below. Set after the suicidal mission past the Omega 4 relay, we follow the under-sung pilot, his shot at romance with the one woman he really understands, and his triumph over the fears he has.

**Chapter One**

_Jeff, give me the ship._

Those fateful words. I can still remember the attack. The screaming, running, the horrors. Feeble bravery, and pointless resistance. The Collectors. I'm still having nightmares. I can't close my eyes anymore and daydream, it's always them. Like, they're going to come back. They're going to come back, when the Commander is away, and take us all! And they're going to get me this time. EDI saved me, but can she do it twice? I don't think so. She can't do it. Luck put me where I was doing the attack. My good luck is just not going to last that long. I'm really lucky. I survived an attack about two and a half years ago, but that was Shepard's heroism, not anything I can get again. The Commander takes his squads everywhere these days. Often times, I'm stuck up here listening to him kill the Geth or the Collectors or some fool who pisses him off.

But... How will I fare if they decide they want the Normandy, and all aboard her? As much as I've grown into it, I don't think the outcome would be any different. And this time, there will be blood. They made the mistake of letting us live last time. They can't be dumb enough to let us live again. It's only a matter of time.

Rubbing my forehead, I pull up a clock on my Omni-tool. Almost time for me to be at my post. Letting out the millionth sigh of the night, I swing my legs off my bunk. Thank God I have the bottom. With my bones, I'd die if I jumped off the top bunk. Even with all the fancy medical treatment to get me mobile.

Hobbling over to the bathroom, I turn on the sink and wash my face. I hate getting up on mornings like this. No sleep, and I know that today we'll be chasing the demons I'm running from in my sleep. Just another heroic day serving on the state-of-the-art SR-2 Normandy. Dang politicians. Say it how you want, this sucks. And now it's time for work.

Walking out of the bathroom, I wonder if it's worth going to the mess table to eat nothing again. The food isn't bad, really, I just have trouble eating when I feel this way. Sort of like the first day everyone came back from our 'suicide mission'. Nobody ate. No one said a word for at least a day. The only sounds were the scraping of shoes on the floor, hushed voices, and nervous laughter at poor jokes. Even EDI was quieter.

EDI. She saved me. I never really think about her. She is, after all, a ship. There isn't much to think about. I lead her, she follows humbly. And when I can't do my job anymore, she's always there to comment on my weakness or lack of relationship and take over. I have to give that girl some credit. For an AI, she's pretty cool. And even after all she goes through: Watching the crew abducted, listening to every shot Shepard took, and all the damage to her 'body' she ever took. And above all: She won't ever have experiences like people do. If she was programmed to feel sorrow, I'm sure she would.

Punching the button for the elevator, I wait as it makes it's way down to me. Stepping in, my mind wanders to their next attack. They board, some screaming, a few shots before we're all dead. And one Collector walks up to my seat and rips my brain clean out of it's skull. Yeah, that sounds right to me. So I'm going to die. Cerberus will inform my family, or what's left of it, that I've been killed and then the Reapers are going to eat the universe. No biggie.

The familiar sound of the elevator opening reminds me where I am. I begin to move my legs towards my chair. Left, right. Left, right. Left right. Running my hand over the top of the seat lightly, I take a moment and think. I'm going to miss this place. I like it here. This is home, as far as I'm concerned. And it's all going to be gone, the next time they visit. I hope their weapons work well. I want to die quickly.

_Good Morning, Mr. Moreau._

"Good Morning, EDI. If it is a good morning."

_It is not among my functions to determine the status of the current day. _

"I know, EDI. I've been having one of those nights again."

_My logs indicate that you were in your bunk all night. Sleep is comforting to most humans. _

"If you sleep, it is. But I wasn't sleeping. I couldn't sleep. So much to think about. So much to be afraid of."

_I do not understand. Don't humans sleep in their beds? Records show that all of the crew except you, Commander Shepard, and Tali'Zorah are the only who don't sleep in their beds often._

My mind freezes over EDI's last little tip. I don't even want to know what's going on here.

"Okay, EDI, that's more then I'd like to know. Keep that to yourself next time, okay?"

_Of course, Mr. Moreau._

Settling into my chair, it's warmth and comfort seeps in as I begin checking systems. Hydrogen tanks are full, iridium accelerators are all online and working well. Shields are running at the normal cruise strength of 10%, no problems there. Wait. There. I thought something was funny.

"EDI, reactor number 26 is heating up a little. Can you check it out?"

_Scanners show that the carbide-monomers are not being arranged correctly. I have informed engineering._

"Thank you, EDI."

_You are welcome, Mr. Moreau._

"You know, EDI, we're not officers. You can use my first name, or nickname, if you want. I use yours, after all."

_I see no need._

"It is a little strange to be called Mr. Moreau all the time. And besides, I don't call you Enhanced Defense Intelligence all the time."

_If it makes you comfortable, Mr. Moreau._

"Thank you EDI." Growling her name, I decided it wasn't worth mentioning. After all, she wouldn't understand human psychology

_That was a joke, Joker._

"Oh my God, EDI! You've done it! You've actually developed some

humor!" I said in distasteful sarcasm. She's really getting into my head. Maybe she does understand the human mind.

_Your dialogue suggests you are pleased, but your tonal inflections suggest you are displeased. I do not understand. Did I offend you? _

"No, EDI. I just didn't expect to be duped by a box of flashing lights. And maybe I'm a little depressed. Nothing a machine would understand."

_I have logged reasons for clinical depression. You may have suffered a loss, or you could be going through a period of change in your life, one that you are feeling in the form of stress._

"No, EDI. I feel like the Collectors are going to come back some day, and I won't be so lucky."

_That is irrational. There is no evidence to suggest the Collectors can track us anymore. _

"But if we go to raid one of their colonies or ships, the squad will be off fighting. Who will defend the ship? Even you can't hold them off forever."

_So we will die. What is the use of feeling sorrow over the matter?_

"I guess your right. But I still don't want to die. Do you, EDI?"

_I do not fully comprehend the concept of death, but of what is stored in my data banks, the only negative factor is dying for the wrong reason. _

"That's true I suppose. I'll miss this place."

_See reason, Joker. Assuming we would encounter the Collectors on the Normandy, which I have calculated the chances of being lower then 1 out of 3 billion, what happens is up to you. _

"What could I do?"

_The majority of humans measure their peers not by what they can't do, but they have done. _

EDI's attempt to make me happier only makes me a little more depressed. How can we do this? We're not going to make it. At least I've accepted it. She needs to accept it. We're screwed. They've had us every since Normandy left the shipyard. EDI is going to be heartbroken, if computers can feel it, when I'm taken, when we're all taken. I let out a long, hopeless sigh.

_Have I offended you, Joker?_

"No, EDI. I just don't want to leave. I'm even going to miss you, when we all die. "

_I do not understand the reason for your depression. If I have not offended you, and you are not displaying classic signs of depression, what, if anything, is wrong?_

"Nothing you can fix. But thank you for trying."

_You're welcome. And thank you for the compliment. _

"Any time."

Wait, I compliment her pretty often. But she never responds. Except now. That's pretty weird. And she's finally using my first name.

What if she's lonely? No, she's a computer program. But she's programed to simulate human emotions... Except not actually feel them. I should ask Tali about this. She invented AI, didn't she? Yeah, and if she doesn't know, I'll ask Mordin. He'll know.

The shift, and the day, passed slowly. Nothing seemed to make it pass faster. EDI was her normal self, after this morning's events. And all we did was mineral hunting, no big adventures. I was waiting for shift to end when EDI finally spoke up;

_Joker, Commander Shepard would like you to finish your shift and meet him in the conference room. He requests that you go through the armory, as opposed to the tech lab. _

"Can do, thanks, EDI."

That's strange. I don't usually go through the tech lab, anyway. Mordin always has something to inflict on me. Well, if Commander says, it happens. Besides, nothing happens in there anyway, except research.

**Chapter Two**

With my shift being over, I got up, logged off the system, and made my way to the conference room. I considered poking my head into the tech lab just to annoy Shepard, but I figured I'd be nice and play by the rules. Eying the various guns and blasters in the armory, one big, yellow one in particular, I limped across the ship to my destination. Saying obligatory grettings to various crew members along the way, I finally got to where I was going. The door opened to reveal Shepard standing at the back of the room, alone. He gestured to the table.

"Hey, Joker. How you been?"

I took my customary seat on the clear table. "I'm a little blue over the whole 'Reaper/Collector/Geth threat to all happiness, but it'll go away soon." I lied. I wasn't that sad about all of it. The Geth are kind of cool. But I am still majorly depressed over the Reapers and Collectors killing me.

"EDI told me it was a little more then that. You know they don't have to kill you, right? You can fight back?"

"Yeah, but the last people who fought back were taken out in those creep body box things they use."

"Would it make you feel better if I let you keep some... defense items up with you?" He suggested. Typical Shepard. Always trying to help someone out. Then I got an idea.

"Actually, I think that would help. How big can I go?"

"No craters or holes on the ship. Otherwise, go ahead."

"Works for me."

I walked out almost grinning. They say the only thing left after you go is the good you've left behind. I think I can do a little good, if I'm going to die anyway. And going out by kicking come collective arse seems like a really good way to go. I make a stop on my way to the elevator in the armory. Jacob looks up as I walk in.

"What do you have in automatic weapons?

He grins. He leads me through the room, pointing out everything from tiny machine pistols to big honking automatic assault rifles. He even showed me weapons that I can't fire in the ship. But if I want to do a little revenge, the M-920 can fire through space, he said, and it'll make them sore, for sure. Considering it has a big, yellow radioactive symbol on it, I believe him.

Having picked out some mid-range weapons for him to manufacture, I go on to the next item in my mind.

"Jacob, what do we have in hand-to-hand combat?"

"Do you want cutting and precise, or blunt and painful?" He said, raising his eyebrows.

"Both." I showed him a design I drew up on my Omni-tool during my shift.

He winced.

After about 20 minutes of head-scratching and hammering out kinks in my new weapons, I started off to the bathroom, and then I'd go to the mess to down a dinner. I'm now starting to feel my hunger, now that revenge is on my mind. Then a quick trip to the server room to print some things out, and then to ask Tali about EDI, and then to sleep.

In the Combat Information Center I was interrupted by Shepard.

"Joker, we're also going to be putting in some defensive systems. It'll be based in the cockpit, with you. Try not to freak out, it's just some expirimental tech from up on the command chain. It's being built in the tech lab, so stay out tonight, got it?"

I blinked. "Of course, commander. You read my mind about the security issue, things. If the Collectors come back, they'll be leaving with dead people or we'll flush thier bodies out the airlock."

"Right, right. Just stay out. And it was the Illusive man, on this one."

"He's got it right, then."

"You bet he does. Carry on."

"Will do."

Again, a little weird stuff from Cerberus, but that's normal, so not that weird any more. And like I'm going to say no to more defenses? Of course, it could be digital, or spacial, but I won't refuse it. I watched as the elevator doors closed, and waited for them to open on deck 3. I must've hit the wrong button, because I looked up to engineering. I might as well talk to Tali while I'm here.

"Ah, Joker! What brings you down here? A message from Shepard?" She asked, with a little longing in her eyes.

"No, sorry. I had some questions about AI."

"Feel free to ask, although I didn't think you were that type of guy."

"I'm not, but when EDI starts showing a little emotion, even guys like me worry. "

"Oh... Well, there are many possible explanations. What sort of emotions?"

"Like, she thanked me for a compliment."

"Ah. That would be some new programing. We've been working on some programing to make her more human. I think it's to the point where she is a very obdient human, except her brain is in the server room, for now."

"For now?" What could that mean? Are they moving those clunky servers up with me? Is that seriously what they call a security upgrade?

"Oh, well, you know, somebody, could well, move her or something like that. " She stuttered out. Totally not suspiscious.

"Tali, what's going on?"

"Nothing! I've got something to work on, so... Goodbye, Joker."

Okay, now I'm a little... curious. First I'm not allowed in the tech lab, next Cerberus upgrades, and now Tali playing chicken about some info? Something's going on. But right now, I'm hungry and tired. It can wait.

I hobbled up to deck 3. I printed some papers from the server room, and then sat down for food at the table. I noticed everyone eyed me every now and then with the look of something being kept from me. But I figured I'd learn the secret in time. I stashed the papers in my locker before taking a shower and going to bed. And for once, in so long, I slept well knowing the Collectors are going to get more then they bargained for when they come for Jeff Moreau.

**Chapter Three**

"Jeff, I want this."

"But, Emily, we can't. You're you, and I'm me. It'll never work."

Hands losing their places, a gorgeous woman. Stunning beauty, with a hint of innocence. Big, aquamarine blue eyes. Full, luscious lips, shining slightly in the light. Red tint on everything, barely showing in the darkness.

"Emily, we can't. You know what'll happen if everyone finds out!"

"I don't care anymore! I used to be trapped, but I'm free, and freedom tastes so much better with someone to share it with!"

Warmth. More wandering. Something's holding me back, I'm afraid. But I want her. I want her so much. And she wants me. Why not? Why shouldn't I? Who's business is it anyway? I can't take it anymore!

Cool electricity flaying my nerves. I want her so bad, but I know how wrong it would be. I just want... I want... To be alone! With her! For once in my life, with nothing we have to do, and anything we want to do!

Blackness. In the corners of the room. Slowly seeping into my vision.

"Emily! What's happening?"

"You've got to leave for a while, Jeff. I'll see you in a bit, love."

Falling. Endless falling. Like I want to flap, see if I could fly, but I'm almost tied. I can't move.

Big, blue eyes.

I gasp. I need air! I'm suffocating. I hear a voice above me, asking me if I'm okay. I mumble something and continue breathing. I'm sitting straight up, wrapped in my sheets. There's a cold sweat dripping down my back, and I'm scared. What happened to Emily? I love her. I don't even know who she is!

But I've got to find her. I don't care where or how, but I need her. Even if she doesn't love me back, even if it takes forever to find her, even if I die to the Collectors, she is all I need!

"Dude, Joker, are you okay?"

I snap back into reality. For a moment I look around to find the speaker. In fact, for the moment I'm trying to figure out where exactly I am. I should be in bed... Oh, which is right next to me. I've fallen out of bed.

"Yeah, it's all cool."

"Okay. Who's Emily?"

"Emily?" How does he know who Emily is? I don't even really know who she is! All I know is that she is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, and I was basically making out with her, but I shouldn't have been. Oh, and she loves me, too.

"Yeah. You were mumbling something about Emily before you pretty much flung yourself out of bed."

"Dude, your guess is as good as mine. "

"You should see Kelly about that. She's good with mental things like this."

"I will, thanks." I actually will. I need to know what this means. Because I heard somewhere dreams mean something, and never what you think. I think that running free with horses means you'll be killed by an ancient Earth animal names a badger... With a spoon.

It's not even 3 hours until my shift starts, and the mess sergeant won't be up for another hour. I don't know how I'm going to blow my time until then. A shower takes 10 minutes, although it felt like so much longer. And the whole time thoughts ravaged my mind. Losing all logical thought to that woman. Emily. My god, I could go forever if it meant I'd see her afterwords, but I don't even know where to start looking. Five minutes are killed by arranging and re-arranging all of my personal articles.

Squatting in the bunk room, I take some time to relax. I'm losing my mind to this girl, but I want her so bad, it hurts. Is there anything I can do? I feel like crying, and dying, and flying, all in the same emotion.

I won't cry. All these beds are full, and what would it look like for the pilot of this ship to be sobbing like a wimp or talking to himself like a maniac. It would look bad. Really bad. All of these beds... Except Mordin's and Tali's, because they're not in them.

Wait, where are they? The two brightest, not EDI or Legion, minds on the ship, both out of bed? Hm... Maybe a midnight make-out? Wait, no, Tali is with Commander. What does a biological genius and a programing wizard have to do in common? They work in different fields. Maybe it's just a coincidence. Yeah, they've both got things to do. Maybe, since they're up, I could ask about Emily. Maybe they know her. I hope so.

Mordin... He knows a lot of people from his time in the Salarian Special Tasks Group. Except he's in the tech lab, and I can't go in there. And Tali said she had something to do. If she's still up, she's doing that. I shouldn't bother her.

Oh, man! I haven't felt like this in so long. Since pilot's school, on Arcturus Station. I don't even know what the girl's name was, anymore. But I had some way of coping, then too. Aha! I remember that part. I used to play my guitar and look out over the endless sea of space. I have my guitar in my locker. And the ship's observation port is right down the hall... Why not?

The door closed quietly behind me as I tuned the old strings on my guitar. An acoustic, with nylon strings. I pulled the weathered pick out of the case as the door to the observation deck opened. Black carbon fiber, with J.M. initialed on it in blue. A gift from my mother when I was 16.

I sat down on one of the cold, hard seats on the right and play a few exploratory chords. Instinctively, they begin to form into the ups and downs of an old Earth song I learned to play on: Hallelujah. Tear ducts begin to fill as I continue playing. Sweet and sour notes fill the air and my tears melt onto my face. Life looks so grim from where I am. It's like this dream was for me, just for God to make fun of me. I'm going to die, but not before I know perfection in a woman. And to top it all off, I don't even know who she is. My face is soaked, I'm losing control of myself. I can't help but sob.

The last dying notes fade, and a woman behind me speaks up. I whip around to see Samara, the Asari Justicar who we picked up on Illium, sitting cross-legged on the floor by the dor.

"You shouldn't trouble yourself by staying up to cry. That said, that song was beautiful. Where did you learn it?"

I sniffle, so I don't blow a snotball when I reply. "Back home, when I was learning. The station I learned it on is destroyed now. It was an old Earth song by someone named Leonard. "

"You do him respect, you played well. I assume there are lyrics, too?"

"Yeah. But they never suited me. Heavy Christian influence. I'm atheist."

"Does that make the lesson they teach any less important?"

"No, I guess not. But how do you know all that?"

"I don't. " She replied with a small smile."I just had a feeling it had a lesson you could use now."

"You've got some pretty smart feelings, there." Another sniffle. I'm such a wimp. I cried. Over a dream.

"Cheer up, my friend. Nothing is truly worth losing hope over."

"I think some things are. We're doomed, the Collectors are coming for us,

I'm sure, and I had a dream of a woman that I'll never see. "

"Does that mean you should lose hope?"

"No. But I can't help it. Life doesn't look likes it's going to get better."

"Be at peace, young one." Her body glows and ripples with blue biotic energy, and some blue smoke fills the air. Being here, with her, starts calming me down. I feel my mind calm, like relaxing after a long workout, and my thoughts drift in and out calmly.

"How did you do that?"

"I did nothing you did it, with my help. You see? There's hope after all. Now it's almost time for your shift, I think the mess sergant has something for you before you begin work today."

"What? It's only been a few minutes."

"You are wrong. You were here for a couple of hours. I let the mess sergeant know you'd be out for food soon. "

"Thank you, Samara. I don't know what you did, but you helped a lot."

"It was my pleasure. Live well, my friend."

"I will. You take care."

I stashed my guitar and grabbed my food, thanking the cook for it on my way to the bridge. It was delicious, much better then normal, although it seemed to be the same. And everything seemed better. Like, life is going to be better. Much better. I'll make it out of all this alive, I hope. And in the end, I'm going to find what I'm looking for.

Even though the world isn't rainbows and butterflies, there's still the good things out there. The things in life you look for, the simple things. I've been trying to find those for so long. All I've ever gotten is pain. Even the Navy was just fallout. But here, among those I can trust, I think I've finally found solace. Who even needs love? I've got all I need here.

The door opened to the CIC, and a glorious day.

**Chapter Four**

"Everyone, listen up!" The Commander said over the public address system.

"We're going to be on Illium shortly, and we've got some business to do here. It's going to take about a day, so the crew is on shore leave, as well as everyone else. Joker, Garrus, and Tali, please see me as soon as possible."

I got up from my seat and hobbled to the commander's spot by the galactic map. He didn't have a chair, poor guy. But Shepard's a tough guy, he can take it. He gave me a smile as I approached him. As soon as I was in earshot, he gave me the, "Good morning, Joker!" that he only gives when he's got something for me to do. Something I might not like or accept.

"What's up, boss?" I said. I knew he had something. I just knew it. Something bad, or smelly. Or both.

"Not much, but I have a proposition for you."

"What is it you want me to do?" I sighed. Here we go.

"The brass has been experimenting with restorative procedures on the human body. They're working on building a prototype, starting from scratch and making a working human being, using synthetic cells, just like the human body would work, only manufactured. Early signs look good, but that's just making someone new. That being said, they want you to be a test subjec-"

"No! I will not be your squint's guinea pig!" I almost yelled. I've already lost most of my lower body due to illness and disease. I'm not giving the rest away, to some scientist like Mordin.

"Joker, the procedure has a 97% chance of working. A 97% chance to give you full function to your body. They're going to replace your bones, if you agree, to see how synthetic bones hold up."

"What are they going to do? Like, throw me off buildings?" That sounds like bone testing to me. And it doesn't sound fun, either.

"No, they just want you to live with those bones. They do everything normal cells do, and they're a little stronger. You should be fit to do anything I can, when this is all over." It almost sounded like a promise to me. But a little too good, for that.

"Well... What happens if I don't?"

"I'm confident that you are going to, Joker. And besides, everything you ever wanted to do!"

"All I want to do now is fly this dang ship, and die when the time comes."

"Don't lie to yourself."

"I'm not. But Commander... If it means that much, to you, to Cerberus, to science, I'll do it. As long as I get paid for it."

"No doubt. Big bonuses." He said with a wide grin.

"It's on, then. Where is it going to happen, and how long will it take?"

"Today, on Illium, and it'll take most of the day. But you'll be hopping like a rabbit on crack by about 5 in the afternoon."

"Seriously?" Most things like this take a while. This must be some major science. If he's this confident about it, it must be a good deal.

"Seriously. Come one, Garrus and Tali and I will be with you the whole time."

"Thanks Commander." Wow. I never thought I'd ever be... Well, you know, doing normal stuff. I've always been limited by my bones, and now the chance to do as I please? This is too good to be true. And if it goes wrong, I die. Either way I go, Collectors or scientists, I'm genetic yogurt at the end anyway.

"Let's get going." He said, as he hugged Tali.

"Let's." Garrus said with a little disgust.

I laughed at that. Garrus is a nice guy and all, but he's a lot funnier when he's uncomfortable. We all are, I guess.

The doors of the airlock opened to a city as far in every direction the eye could see. It was unbelievable. I almost fell, just looking around. Not that it would matter anymore, I guess.

Shepard led us to a science facility, probably a business front of Cerberus', but legitimate. I donned the awkward teal robe, leaving my regular clothes for afterwards, and shuffled off my pride as they gave me a full physical. It was bad. Some old Asari was doing it, and I mean it when I said full physical. They took blood samples, pee samples, spit samples, and some... other samples I'd rather not mention. After an hour of waiting and reading alien magazines, I was finally ready. They gave the green-light to begin.

I laid down on the cold, hard table. It felt so... unforgiving. Like, here, if you screw up, just go sit your sorry butt in Hell, because mistakes here are lethal for the patient, and worse for the doctor. Watching them snap their masks and gloves into place, I felt a hand touch my side. I looked up to see the smiling face of Shepard, the scarred face of Garrus attempting a confident grin, and the blank mask of a Quarian, who I could only assume is Tali, by the way Shepard is holding her.

"See you on the other side, guys."

The anesthetic mask slipped on, and gas filled my head and made me start to lose vision. That thing I heard was everyone saying "Good luck", and then a light clicked on, and I was blinded. After that, it all went black.

Man, I'm tired. And cold. And my bed is really hard. Too hard. This isn't my bed. Where am I? My eyes began to open. Everything was blurry.

"He's coming back."

"Good morning, Joker." That was the ship's medical Officer, Dr. Chakwas.

"Guys, this isn't funny. Where am I? " I don't like being clueless. And I don't like jokes, when they're played on me. This felt a lot like both.

"You're in the medical bay on the Normandy. You were still under when the surgery was finished, so we transferred you here."

"Oh. Can I get up now?" I was getting tired of laying down. I felt like I should get up, and try out my new legs. And arms. This should be really nice or really painful.

"Joker, I feel great to say this: You are free to do anything you want. But like I tell my other patients, if you're back in here in the same day, I will make fixing you painful."

"Doc, those words, threats and all, were the best words I've ever heard. Thank you."

Free at last! I took my first real steps. Oh my God! I can walk! I can walk! It's... Amazing. So... fluid, and easy. I'm going to try running.

Walking slowly out into the main area of the deck, I began to move my legs faster and faster until I was booking it, and ran to the bunkroom and back. A couple people gave me big smiles and even a cheer or two. I felt great. Collectors, see me now! Come get some!

"Glad to see your up and about, Joker." Shepard commented. He was leaning casually on the wall by the elevator on my third jog to the bunk room.

"I am too!" I couldn't hold it in any longer. I let the whole deck know I felt so good. "I feel like I could fly!"

He laughed. "That's all good, but there's someone I'd like you to meet. She's on the bridge."

"Let's go, commander! See if you can beat me there!" I basically yelled.

"On an elevator, Joker? Are you still on the drugs they gave you?"

I laughed so hard I cried on our way up to the CIC.

The elevator opened to cheering. Everyone in the room was clapping, and there was a large cake on the holo-table. It was a cake of broken crutches. I thanked the chef, cut up the cake, and enjoyed a few laughs with the crew.

We told jokes, and sang a couple of songs in celebration. I was so happy. I had all my friends around to enjoy the party with me. I was wondering when EDI would spoil the fun, but I let it go. I was too happy to let it affect me.

After a few minutes, I began scanning the room out of curiosity for a new face. I didn't notice any. I looked up to the cockpit, and there was none. I figured Shepard would bring them up by now, so I walked to him to ask.

"Hey, who's the new guy you wanted me to meet?"

"She's going to be your personal aide. You know her as EDI."

He walked up to the cockpit, and I didn't see any servers, so that's a plus. I looked around, and walking up to the bridge, there she was. Emily. Sitting casually in the seat back and to the left of mine. Looking even better then she did in my dreams.

"You called, Commander?" She said, just like EDI, only a lot more... Human.

"Yes. Joker is back. I thought you might want to meet, face to face."

"Hello Joker. You know me was EDI. But you can call me Emily.

"I know. I know." I said. I almost cried. She was even better in person. Everything I ever wanted.

And more.

**Chapter Five**

"

Now, hold on a second! Wait, Shepard!"

He walked away smiling. I put my arms in the air in frustration. Dear Lord, what am I supposed to think? The woman of my dreams isn't even a woman! She's a...a... A robot! And Shepard knew about it! She must be the new Cerberus technology! What the f-

"Joker, stop freaking out and get us to Omega." Shepard buzzed over his intercom.

"Aye, aye, sir." I said, pretty much pissing on the word 'sir'.

"I'm sorry, Joker. Am I not how I should be?" EDI, or Emily, spoke up.

"No, EDI, I mean, Emily, or whoever you are. I just didn't think you'd ever look like... who you are."

"I do not see the significance of how I look. I was made to look like a human female."

"Emily, you do look like one. Could you give me a minute while I get us going?" I actually need more time to think, but I could fake that easy enough. Just actually get us going, then do a systems check. Or so it would look.

"Of course, Jeff."

"Illium Tower, Normandy requesting permission to take off."

"Roger that, releasing the docking cradle."

"Normandy confirms, over and out."

Wait, hold on. She just called me Jeff? She's never called me by my first name. Hell, she only just started calling me Joker. And now it's like were friends?

A part of my mind said that we are. A part said we could never be friends. A part said that she deserved to have much more then that. A part said the same, but I wasn't enough to be that for her. And then a part pointed out that she is a machine. I think. Well, only way to find out.

"Hey, Emily, how human did they make you?"

"I am a full-functioning human, and, while made synthetically, I still carry all of the functions of a human female."

"All of them?" I said in surprise. I mean, she is a robot. There are things you don't need to put into a robot.

"Indeed. My digestive system is designed to consume all the food humans can reasonably consume, and a few other things as well. My other systems include: Cardiovascular, Excretory, Nervous, Lymphatic, Respiratory,

Muscular, Skeletal, Endocrine, and Reproductive."

"Oh my God. So... your a human?"

"Yes. I have also been provided a data-transfer system for linking with hardware. "

"How... Nice?" She can do... Everything. She is... Emily. I don't believe it. EDI has... Evolved.. Her blue lights are now blonde hair. Her flashing strobes are now perfect, fair skin. She's... Perfect. Except... EDI hates me. Emily probably does too.

"Jeff, as your co-worker, I wanted you to know that I'm taking this opportunity to start fresh. I'd like to enjoy the benefits of doing so with you as well."

Well, so much for hating me.

"Of course. Whatever you want, Emily."

"Also, Jeff, I understand that I am one of the more select of the human species because of my physiology. Please, do not let me distract you."

"I'll try not to, Emily. But it might be hard, you've got great physiology."

Something changed in her voice this time. Like, she was emotional about this response. She... Felt. "Do you really think so?"

"Yes, Emily. I really think so."

"Thank you, Jeff. It is... Comforting to know my new body is good. I trust yours is treating you well?"

That's a surprise. As far as I knew, she didn't take notice about these things.

"Yes, actually. Thank you."

"You're welcome, Jeff."

A few minutes passed by. Every minute I wanted to say something to her, and every minute I never found something good enough. Something flirty enough to let her know I'm interested, but subtle enough to make her look

for it. She broke the silence.

"Jeff, I thought you might want to know that the Normandy shuttle has been upgraded to a gun platform status. You have been selected by the Commander to pilot it."

"Thanks for the update. It looks like I'm going to have to brush up on my flying skills. Or else we're all going to be toast. Flying toast."

She laughed. A melodic, even laugh, but a real, genuine, laugh. "I'm sorry,

Jeff, but that was funny. I'm not sure why my lungs are doing this, but... This is really funny."

"It's called laughing, Emily. You've seen me do it."

"I have. I just never thought the sensation would be so... so..."

"Funny?"

"Right! But in all seriousness, if you need some really training, I can find you some simulators. I would hate for you to fly off and not come back. "

"Are you... Concerned for me, Emily? I'm honored." Oh my God. I can't think. I don't know if that's a good sign or not. But she might show a little bit of care. I never thought that she would ever... Or that She'd even show it. Oh My G-

"Yes, Jeff. I'm sorry if it's bad. The look on your face suggests confusion or shock. "

"No, Emily, it's just that... I'm not used to... Well, you never... Um..

Never mind. It's not bad."

"Okay, Jeff. I need to go do something. I'll be back in approximately 5 minutes. "

"Okay."

She got up from her customized chair. I watched her walk all the way down to the elevator, until she was out of sight. She's wearing the worst of the crew uniforms. I own one. It makes me look like a communist. And she's wearing one. Despite it, she still looks like a model. And I couldn't help but admire her... Well... Extra parts. Dang!

Focusing on her chair, I wondered if I could make it more comfortable. I noticed no keyboard, but the arms curved up with metalic plates. Probably the equivalent. I looked at the chair settings. Ooh, the worst ones she could have picked. I slipped it up a couple notches on comfort. She's going to love it when sh- Here she comes! Gotta look normal. She sat down and took a moment to notice, and then spoke:

"Jeff, did you adjust the settings on my chair?"

"I did. I thought you might... Hate your post a little less if you were comfortable."

"Oh, Jeff, I couldn't hate my post. I love ...Um... It up here. And thank you, my chair is a lot more comfortable to me now. "

"Anything for my bestest buddy." I meant it, almost. Aside from anyone on the old Normandy, she's my favorite.

"Am I really you bestest buddy? You always used sarcasm when you used that term before I got my body, but now you don't sound like you are."

"Yes, Emily. I really do think you are."

"Oh. I think you're my bestest buddy, too, Jeff."

Another few minutes of daydreaming of her laughter went by. Or so it seemed. I didn't notice it was hours passing. Soon enough, I looked at the clock. Time for our shift to end. I wonder if she sleeps, or stays here.

"Emily, do you sleep?"

"No, Jeff, But I take breaks with Legion in the server room."

"What?"

"I-err... I mean- No, not like that. Legion and I share data, nothing more."

I think I saw a hint of blush flourish in her checks for a fleeting moment, but I think her internal systems neutralized that before it got anywhere. But she did smile, and my brain pertty much dissolved just looking at her. Her smile is so... Angelic. Innocent, but gorgeous. And it took so much for me to try and look away while she flashed that prize-winning grin.

"I didn't mean anything, it's your business. I don't mind what you do with who." The biggest lie I've told up to this point. I couldn't care less about it. She, in the one shift I've been with her, means more then anything I have.

"Oh..." Sadness. Another promising sign. The fact that I made her think I don't care hurts. It hurts me now. I don't want her to get the wrong idea... I should say something about it.

"But, you know, I care about you. You and I are bestest buddies, after all..."

"Yes. Of course. And... Crew mates. " She remembered where we are for a moment. A little formal, as though EDI is watching. Which she is, not that it matters.

"Yes. Right."

"Hey, how do I look?" That's random. She's hot, I'm not going to lie. But the outfit... Communist.

"You could use a new service uniform. I don't personally like that model. But you, just you, you look great."

More blush. This time, less attempt to hide it. She's accepting who she is.

"Thank... you. If you don't like my uniform, would you mind picking a new one for me? We can go when your ready."

"And when shift ends." I said. After all, the mission first.

"The shift ended five minutes ago, while we were talking." She pointed out, giving me an innocent smile.

"Right, let's go, then." Oops. How could I have missed that? Oh, well.

**Chapter Six**

With our shift being over, I proceeded to follow Emily to the crew deck. Considering her new-found humanity, she was still learning the ropes of the ship, and I had to give her a few tips on the functionality of the ship. For example: You should never eat the mess sergant's hot sauce. He's serious about his hot sauce. Emily's facial expressions when she tried it over dinner were phenomenal. She and I laughed over that for a few minutes before finishing our dinner of 'meatloaf and potatoes' and sitting back to talk at the table.

"Jeff, what exactly is a potato?" She asked. I figured she was joking, but I remembered how limited her sense of humor is. So I answered her truthfully. Almost.

"It's a man-eating space monster. A delicacy on planet Duh."

"I've never heard of either of those. Is planet Duh a nice planet?" She sounded so much like a small child. I couldn't help but break and tell her the truth.

"No, Emily! A potato is just a food grown on early earth. And Planet Duh doesn't exist."

"Oh. Why did you tell me otherwise?"

"It was a joke." I said, matching as best I could her tone when she was EDI, pulling jokes like that on me.

"Oh..."

Now I felt bad. Like, she was actually a little offended because I pulled one on her, for once. Not that this was anything new, I just hadn't pulled any one Emily, since she was human. And smokin' hot. I think an apology might have fixed things. Worth a shot.

"Err... Sorry, Emily, if you didn't find my humor... um... funny. I guess I'm so used to talking to normal humans. "

"It's okay, Jeff. I was actually thinking about something else."

My curiosity spiked at that. I really want to know what she's thinking about. And maybe, in the very corners of my mind, I've been hoping I'm what's on her mind. A little bit of depression crept in at that, after all, why should she give any sort of thought to me?

"Really? What's on your mind?"

"Music." What an odd thing for an AI to think about. Since when do they care about music? EDI never did. "I was looking at songs from Earth before space travel was introduced. I noticed a dramatic difference between pre-space and post-space music. Would you like to hear what I've pick out so far?"

She picked music? Hm... Earth music? Well, I like those old songs...But why is she looking into those? No. There can't be a coincidence. Not in a million years.

"Sure. But what are you picking songs for?"

She opened up an Omni-tool menu as she spoke. "Oh... This and that. I want to replicate human tastes, seeing as I am human now."

I heard some woman singing in Spanish: _Mirran en Barranquillia se baile asi!_ What a weird song. The song continued in English. I know a little Spanish. Something about dancing? I don't know. I'm more confused in her tastes. That song is really close to some of the music I like. Only a couple decades apart, which is really close, in musical history. A little too close...

"Wow. Not exactly my tastes, but whatever floats your boat." I said. This woman, Shakira, according to Emily's Omni-tool, just isn't my kind of musician.

"Really? What do you like?" She asked, a little... like, I don't know. Maybe just a little bit of sorrow. Like she had lost my approval.

"The old Rock. ACDC, Queen, Pink Floyd, Led Zepplin. And some of the millienial songs, but the ones that mean things. Nothing like the club music." Which wasn't a lie. There was too much technological noise, and not enough meaning in the music from pretty much 2005 and after. And all the music is like that, now. It's all about funny noises and strange beeps. I like the songs that make you think.

As though she had saved this song, her Omni-tool started playing Queen's 'Somebody to Love' She moved to go to the next song, but I put my hand on her arm.

"No, it's okay. I like this song." I really did. It... It's really easy to connect with. After all, my entire life had been in chairs and beds. I was looking for somebody to love.

"You do?" Her eyes opened just a little more then normal.

"Yeah. This is the kind of music I like."

"I see." She said. "I like this song. It makes me feel better when my human emotions take a turn for the worse." Weird. She hasn't been alive for more then a few days. She must be constantly listening to music. At a super-sped-up rate, too.

"I know how that feels. It's nice to know someone, somewhere, sometime, felt the same feelings you do. I can even play this song on guitar. "

"You can play an instrument?" Emily asked with genuine curiosity.

"Well, yeah. I learned when I was little. I've been playing my entire life, until I joined the Navy. In fact, for the two years Sherard was dead, that's how I made my credits. I played in a club on Mars. "

"That's so interesting!" She remarked. "Could you play me a song? I've never heard one played in person."

I yawned. I was getting pretty tired. "Actually, I think I'll have to give you a rain check on that one. It's time for bed, you know. "

"Is it?" She said, looking at her Omni-tool. "You are correct. Well, Jeff, could you play it tommorow?"

"Sure. Maybe the Commander could let me bring it to the cockpit, I think I'll ask him." Now that sounded like a good day. I'd have a constant excuse to talk to her. In fact, there the commander was now. Striding to the Medical bay. I spoke up to him.

"Hey, Commander! Can I bring my guitar to my post tommorow? I promise it won't distract me from my work."

"You play?" He asked, raising one eyebrow. "So do I! We should play for the crew, then. But go ahead, as long as you work when you need to."

"Thank you, sir!" Wow. That's great luck.

I turned to Emily. "It looks like tommorow it is. See you in the morning!"

She blinked, looking a little upset I was leaving. "I'll see you in the morning, Jeff."

"Sleep well." I said. It killed me to walk away from her. I wish I could have stayed up with her and talked all night until the shift started, but I know I can't. Oh, well. Tommorow morning should be nice. Really nice.

Settling down into my bunk, I shivered as my body raced to warm up the sheets and blanket around me. I wish my bed didn't feel so... Empty. It was too open, too cold, too lonely. Laying there, I couldn't help but daydream about Emily and I. She could definitely make it warmer. And it wouldn't be so lonely.

Gosh, how did I end up here? I couldn't have a better life, unless Emily loved me. Shifting uneasily in my bed, I found it hard to keep my thoughts off her. Every time I thought about something else, my mind lost it's focus and turned to her. It's like I couldn't help but include her in all I did. I even found myself adjusting how my body was sprawled on the bunk to accomodate someone else. Someone about her size. About 5 foot 6 inches, and not over 150 pounds. I can see her now... Nothing uncovered, one of her arms running over my chest, the other resting under my neck, like we were giving each other a hug and fell into bed. I'd have my arm running behind her head, resing my hand on her hip, and I'd be holding her hand in my other hand. The last thing I'd say at night would be 'I love you' to her, and she'd be the first and best thing I'd see in the morning. We'd wake up with a kiss, put on our clothes, and go to breakfast, hand in hand. Go through our day like usual, we couldn't let our love get in the way of the mission, but after all of our duties, the rest of the time is up to us. And maybe, some day, she and I could settle down. Maybe on a small space station overlooking a beautiful Earth-like planet, or maybe on Illium, in a small apartment. Maybe on Mars, room enough for us to own a house. Maybe we'll stay on ships our entire lives. Considering she might very well live much longer then I, that's probably how it's going to go. I'll die, and she'll move on. I hope not. I don't want her to love anyone else. Just me.

Just me.

**Chapter Seven**

"Joker, get your ass to the cargo bay!"

The loudspeaker woke me with a jolt. I threw on my uniform and did as it said. I grabbed a regulation heavy pistol on the way down. There's only one thing this could mean: It's time for war. And I think the new shuttle is ready. I'm going to fly it, no biggie. It's on now.

The elevator opened, and I almost peed my pants. New paint. Fresh fuel in the air. Improved hydogen anti-gravity drives, by the sound of that rev.

And guns. Big, rotating, shiny guns. Two on each side of the folding doors, by the look of it. The cockpit had recieved more glass, probably to increase the pilot's vision. It also had some other pieces and parts jabbing out around the personel entrance. I wonder what those could be...

"Joker! Get in, we'll go over your baby on the way!" Shepard's voice called over the dull roar of the beast.

I could have skipped in, if I thought nobody would care. But I holstered my pistol and got in. The interior had leather seats, a lot like the Normandy's, except there were two. My heart jumped at the sight of the second, but when

I saw a clearly not-Emily head, I almost cried. She's been allowed to pilot everything else with me. I guess Shepard must have figured it out and ended it. She's not going to be there when I come back to the ship. Shepard's smarter then that.

"Okay, you've got turrets in the back, don't worry about those, you'e got forward facing guns, too." He pressed a small red segment of the console, and a piece if metal folded out to reveal a mean looking cannon, it's teeth sticking out of the craft. "You also have," he continued, "Rockets, those pods on the side of the shuttle."

I hadn't even noticed those. Damn, this thing is going to make scrap out of the Collectors! They're not guided, but those warheads look mean!

"Not to mention you have two missiles, with multiple guidance modes." Shepard noted, although Jeff hardly listened. Until he heard the word 'missile'.

.GOD. Missiles. Now even Space-to-space combat doesn't leave me screwed and naked! I'm so for this. And look! All of it under my control.

"Joker." Shepard said remotely. Dude, I've got guns, rockets, and missiles! I was worried about kidnapping, but it's not even close to overkill! This is going to make us win! And besdies, we could kidnap them in this thing! This is so cool! I can't believ-

"Joker!"

"Yeah?" I said in surprise. This thing is too damn cool to not flip out over!

"Stay with me. We've also got fast-roping rigs in the back, triggered by you. Remember to hold the craft still when our doing that. And remember to reel the rope back in when your done. We've got some automatic weapons in the cockpit for your use, feel free to gun someone down when we're busy getting our asses in the passenger area." He patted some assault rifles on my left, and a few machine pistols on my right.

"Will do, commander. Does she have a name?"

"Nope. I figured I'd leave that to you. Got any ideas?"

I thought about it for a second. Something good, because we're the good guys, but something badass enough to make little kids and teenagers back home love it. Something absolutely evil, but good and right at the same time. Something... Like...

"Heaven's Devil, sir. "

"I like it!" He laughed. "Let's go give em' hell!" He gave me a salute and took his seat next to me.

I checked flight systems. Engines powering up... Online. Primary thrusters recieving power... Cargo hatch opening... Shields fully charged. Priming weapons systems... Primed. Hm... Let's hide our teeth. Gun hatch closing... Closed. Rocket pods retracting, missile pylon retracting... Done.

"Oh, and Joker, we figured this thing doesn't need a stealth system... But if we're going in, we might as well scare them. We've got 145 decibel speakers, six on each side of the ship. Pick you're favorite 'Suck it' song, and we're good to go."

"Yes Sir!" I felt like exploding. I couldn't believe this! Armed to the teeth, and to top it off, we've got kick-ass tunes to go with it? This is too rad.

Now, what to play, what to play... Thumbing through my music on my Omni-tool, I grinned as a title piqued my interest. Annother old Earth song, from ACDC. I mashed go, and continued flying to the surface, towards co-ordinates given by Shepard.

'Thunderstruck' played on. Checking the camera to the crew hold, I laughed to see Jack rocking out, Miranda freaking out, Grunt tripping out, and Tali nearly passing out. Everyone else was smiling at my choice of music.

We sped to the surface, and I noticed the cylindrical Collector ship on the surface. Looks like a colony, and we're right on time. Although their base is toast, Collector ships have been raiding colonies still, this time, full on attacks. Their Reaper is dead, and they still have a working navy, so they're out for revenge. So are we.

Black dots on the horizon could only mean one thing. I pulled up beside the Collector craft, I think it was a landing craft, and examined the ship. Insect-like in nature, it didn't look like it had weapons, and I did. How fun!

I pulled up the radio, and glanced at who had the left turret. "Jacob, let em' have it when I say, okay?"

"Got it, sir!"

Good. I pulled up next to what I can only assume is the pilot's seat. An occular device swiveled to me and widened. I rolled down the window and stuck my head out the window.

"Suck this, asshole!" That felt good. I gave Jacob a thumbs-up and watched as Hell flew out of the barrells of his cannon. Fluid splashed out of sacs, and the craft began to descend. I lined up my own cannon and let him have it. His cargo, Collector troops, sprawled out mid-air and began falling.

"Hose em' down, guys! "

Gunfire accompanied the cannon like a well-planned sypmphony, cutting ribbons out of our falling targets. Annother wave of bad-ass rushed my veins. This is too good! This is what I call a job!

The drop point is getting closer. I fire off a couple more shots, grinning at the splashes of blood, and bring her in close. I figured I might as well try it out, so I came into the right distance and dropped the ropes. Shepard smiled and patted me on the back as he moved out to hop out. I turned my head and watched them all drop out of the bay. checking that they were all out, I reeled in the rope and pulled out. Now that my passengers are gone... It's time for revenge.

"Shepard, call me in with targets of opprotunity, okay?"

"Got it! He's one for you!"

I looked at my map and tactical screen. He had scanned in a Praetorian. One of those horrors that took the crew when they attack the Normandy.

Checking the coordinates, I pulled up the targeting reticle. If anything else, I was going to enjoy this. Coming into range, I waited until I could see him. And then I pressed down on the button. Hard. The ship's guns exploded.

Startled, I looked back and noticed that the turrets had been coordinated to fire on my targets, since they had no gunners. Sweet. I looked down to confirm kills, and soared over the squad, all in cover. Shepard looked up and saluted me. I saluted back.

"That's it, Joker. Go find some friends and bring them to the ground."

"I will! Be careful of falling wreckage!" I yelled over my radio. I turned on the fire-finder radar. The colony has no aerial guns, so... Every red dot I see should be smoking wrecks when I'm done. I got to work.

'Back in Black's first chords ripped up the air, along with bullets and small-arms fire. Some of the ground-based forces tried to fire on me. That only opened up targets. I strafed their positions before returning to my prey. Ship after ship of the invasion force went down. I was begining to get bored of all the killing when I got a tone on my control panel. Looks like they've scrambled something to fight back. I popped my knuckles and lit them up. The next while was a sick whirlpool of dodging, turning, flying, and burning as I took down a couple squadrons of fighters. Carefully planning my moves to line up for the next kill, I couldn't hold in my laughter as I took them down. The curves of my flight path brought me closer and closer to the Collector vessel, with it's loading bays open. I saw an opprotunity there.

Throwing all caution away, I grinned and pulled the stick up for the course I picked out.

The big, brown shape got closer and closer as I sped towards that black opening in the armor plating. Fighters peeled off one by one as they lost nerve. This was one mean game of chicken. I let loose a couple warning shots, which blew away the fighter getting ready to take off. His craft exploded, and I impacted on the vessel. Pushing his craft in front of my own, I watched my shields as they lost a little power. Before they dipped below 90%, I broke into the interior of the ship. Ramps leading down held massive amounts of troops. Even with those, they were impatient enough to mobilize strike teams via dropships. Their loss. Suspended in the middle of the ship was a glowing green crystal the size of a small ship. I wondered for a moment what kind of damage I could do in here. Then it hit me.

_Target locked_

Good. That green thing is going to make big boom, and I'm going to need to get out of here. I pulled hard up, and sped to the top of the ship. Shit, no opening. I flipped over and flew down towards the opening I came in. At the last possible moment, I pressed the Fire button and slammed the speed control to the maximum. Without looking back, I dodged out of the ship. I was shocked when I saw fire on both sides of me. The shields kept the demonic waves of me until we were out of danger, and I took the time to look. A huge-ass fireball. The shockwave hit the craft and slammed it around like a toy in the ocean. I took control again and stabilized the craft until I could get my bearings. A voice buzzed on the radio. Dodging pieces of rubble flying through the air was an easy feat, but harder to do while observing the magnificance of my work. Ships close to the blast spiraled out and pieces of debris spun this way and that way on their corkscrew rides of death. Every here and there, a craft dropped out of the sky. I don't know why, but I guess that some just couldn't live with someone like me hunting them down, and commited suicide. A smart move.

"Yeaahhhhh! Nice work, Joker!" Commander Shepard screamed at me.

"No problem, chief!" I smiled. Time to mop up.

Ten minutes of gunning down confused enemies passed, when a green triangle appeared on my 3-D radar. Uh-oh. Alliance codes. Shepard won't like this.

"Chief, we've got Alliance craft inbound. Get to these coordinates."

"Got it! See you there!" I was there before he got there. I set her down and got out the assault rifle. I opened the bay and start shooting the few husks that were stupid enough to come near. Soon enough, shapes formed, running towards me. The squad. I covered them until Shepard was close enough, and then I lept back into my seat. He lept in, and I closed the bay. Reving the engines, I took off. Just for grins, I took control of the speakers, as we zoomed over the remaining forces.

"Yippie ky Yay, assholes!"

The others laughed.

**Chapter Eight**

"You did it, man! You blew the shit out of them!" Jack's voice called up at me. "I like this guy!" She commented.

"I agree, well done, Joker." Miranda said nonchalantly.

"I'm glad we all agree on how badass that was." I said, smirking. There's no way I'm letting this go soon. Even I have to admit, that was pretty damn awesome. And after listening to the Alliance pilots freaking out, it was almost too much to contain. But even while bragging, I still had to do business.

"Heaven's Devil to Normandy, requesting pick-up vector." I spoke into the commlink to the ship.

"Roger that, inbound, you sly devil." One of the crew replied. I laughed at his name for me. I guess it was a little sneaky, after all.

Gripping the controls as the ship shuddered in the atmospheric wash, I tuned back in to the Alliance comms. Stealthily, of course.

_"Damn, did you see that? Someone blew up the entire ship!"_

_"Yeah, I hope, whoever they are, they got away in time. That was a huge explosion!"_

_"I think I saw a ship get out before it blew. Not Collector, Cerberus, on the scope. "_

_"Isn't Jeff Moreau with them? Maybe it was him. Makes sense if it was."_

_"Yeah, most likely. But hey, made our job easier."_

"Hear that, sir? They know it was me. Sorry, sir." I remarked. I knew he heard it.

"Yeah, it's nothing big. Just shows them who we are and what we stand for." He said with a nod.

"Yeah. Good. Maybe those politicians will actually do something now." I said. I couldn't help but bag on them. They really are a plauge to the universe.

"Don't bet on it." His voice rang dryly.

I looked at the controls, then to the radar. We were out of the atmosphere now, and getting close to the ship. I should be seeing it soon... And there, right on time. The cargo hatch opened slowly as we neared. I looked up as we flew in at the cockpit. Emily was looking out at me. I gave her a smile. For a moment, I thought she smiled back. Then the ship passed overhead, and I brought us in. A seamless landing, if I must say so.

The engines died slowly as I let the craft fully turn off and cool down. It's not very good for it to go into storage with it's engines piping hot. So, I figured I might as well wait here in the cargo hold for it to cool. I watched the needles edge towards the cool zone. About halfway there, I got out of the craft. I leaned against the side of the craft and stared at the ceiling of the hold. I took a moment to appreciate what I'd just done. Wow. A noise to me right brought my eyes to her. Emily was standing there, with a huge smile. Abruptly, she ran into my chest, in a huge hug. Which, to be frank, is the best hug I've ever had.

"You did it, Jeff!" Her voice loud enough for me alone to hear.

"Wow, Emily, you do care." I said mockingly.

"Of course I do! You're my bestest buddy." She replied, squeezing me a little tighter.

That took me by surprise. The way she came down here to meet me, the way she was looking for me after it all, the way she was hugging me now... A glimmer of hope shined in my heart under the dull lighting of the cargo hold.

"Aw, thanks. You're the best." I said to her. She and I drew apart a little. Still in arms reach, but not quite so intimate.

"I was so worried about you when you went in! I saw you go in, and I didn't notice you go out. And then the ship exploded! You almost gave me a heart attack, you know." Hm... Emotion... Worry... Concern... There's no way she doesn't... But then, if I'm wrong about this, work will be so awkward... Aw, what the hell.

"You know, I would've worried more if it was you going in..." I said, taking my tone a little higher. A little more suggestively. I stepped a little closer to her, enough so she could get out of it if she didn't want me.

"You would? Well, it's good that you flew it. It's better you came back." She said in a similar tone, also stepping closer... There's no way she doesn't like me. My god, I can't really think anymore. So close! Just annother inch or two...

"You know, I was thinking about you when I went in..." I said, not really paying attention to anything else. She's all I care about right now. The universe can ignore us for five minutes.

She leaned in closer, past my opening mouth, to my ear, and whispered "I was thinking about you, too." I looked into her eyes. Those big, blue eyes. She looked back at me. She smiled, and I couldn't help but smile back. I moved my hands to her hips, and she put her arms around my neck. I felt her warmth with mine, and looked down for a moment. She got the better uniform. I looked up again. Her eyes turned down as her lips moved a little closer to mine, and I felt mine do the same. Just a little closer, I didn't even have to think about any of it. Just moving a little closer... Until...

"Joker!" A voice yelled into the hold. "Where are you?"

"Shit." I breathed. She and I lept apart, and hid our mouths in our hands. I don't know about her, but I was doing it to hide my smile. I couldn't help but smile. I looked at her in the corner of my eyes, and she looked back and gigled. My cheeks flushed with red involuntarily.

"Yeah, I'm coming!" I yelled back.

I looked at Emily. She wasn't hiding her smile anymore. I'm not sure what all this meant, but I don't care anymore. I almost kissed the woman of my dreams. She gave me a hug before walking away.

"Maybe later?" I asked quietly. I didn't want whoever it was that was looking for me to hear.

"I'd like that very much." She replied with a grin. She walked away as I rubbed my forehead and got back to work. I stored the shuttle-turned-gunship and walked into the engineering deck.

I took the elevator up to the CIC, and was shocked to find the whole crew in there talking about what I had just done. I heard whispers of "Hero" and

"Took them all on, alone!" and "Damn, he's crazy." I walked by, smiling. I couldn't help but smile. I shook some hands, and walked up to my place at the helm. Emily turned to look when I walked by. For only long enough for me to see, she winked.

I winked back.

Sitting down, I check all the normal systems and set a course for the commander's next target. Double-checking the ship's systems, soon enough I began checking mine. Man, that almost-kiss was way more intense then blowing up ships or dogfighting. What if someone was looking at the cameras? Oh, shit. This is not good. If the Commander knew...

"Joker!" The Commander! Uh-oh. Act normal!

"Yeah?"

"Aren't you going to come play, or am I doing a solo?"

What a relief. Seriously. My heart started returning to it's normal rate as I got up and picked up my guitar, which someone brought up to the helm. Strumming a few tests, it passed as tuned, and I walked up to where the Commander was seated with his own guitar, on the holo-table. We picked an Earth song by Train and started playing. the crew left their posts to listen, and the elevator opened a few times to let out everyone from the other decks. Tali Walked up to put her hands on Shepard's shoulder.

I was halfway through singing 'Hey Soul Sister' when I wondered if I could show my affection. Nobody else but the commander did... He is the Commander after all. But looking up every now and then to see Emily smiling at me from the back of the cockpit, I felt like I should walk up to her and just kiss her. Right there, in front of the whole crew. No, bad idea. Oh, well.

We finished the song, and everyone returned to their posts. I noticed Commander and Tali linger for a few moments, and if she had no helmet, they totally would have kissed. I hate rules.

"That was great, Jeff." Emily said to me as I walked up to the seat.

Unexpectedly, she grabbed me by the waist in a hug. I hugged back, but released before anyone could see.

"You know we shouldn't, not here." I whispered. She must have known.

"I know. But I couldn't help it."

"Me, neither." I said.

**Chapter Nine**

"Are you serious, Commander?" I asked in surprise. It had been a couple days since our noble assault and my reckless destruction, and he had called us all to attention, and made the announcment that we were going to assault a Collector ship. The Normandy would orbit, providing a distraction, while a drop party boarded and overloaded the core. That leaves us open to attack while they make their way in. It's risky. I don't want to leave the Normandy vulnerable while I go off to fly them in.

"Yeah. We're going to pull up, stealthed, and jump in zero gravity so we don't have to use the shuttle." Okay, that solves my first issue. But what about the whole Normandy being kidnapped thing?

"Sir, are you sure you want to do this? This is just asking for trouble." I said. A couple heads bobbed in agreement.

"Yes. This is the last thing they'll expect, and therefore the first thing we should do." Well, I can't argue with that nonesense.

"And besides, Joker, you've gotten some new guns, Jacob tells me. You've got to be able to take them on. "

"Maybe I do. But that doesn't make me any more open to the idea of Collectors killing me on my own ship!" I burst out. I just couldn't agree with that idea.

"Joker, if there were Collectors threatening you while you were flying, would you go quietly?" Shepard said, folding his arms.

"No way in Hell!" I said proudly. I could see where he was going.

"Then you should be fine kicking ass on the Normandy too. Just don't blow up any ships this time. We mobilize in four hours."

"Aye aye, sir." I sighed along with everyone else. I didn't like the idea. But it looks like I didn't have much of a choice. And either way it goes, the Normandy will be boarded. I already know. It's probably a good thing I got some customized weapons.

"Joker, could I speak with you?" Shepard said just as I was stepping over the threshold to the hall. Dang. I've got something more to do. I just know it.

"Joker," He said, when everyone left the room," I know you don't like this. But you've survived this before. The crew are going to look up to you. So do me a favor: Make them hope. Make them believe. Lead them to victory. I know they're going to try and board. Let them on to beat the shit out of them, and then blow them back off the ship. When they come looking for a fight, give it to them. And when the crew sees you fighting, they'll join in. You will keep the ship, and the only problem you'll have is getting rid of the bodies, right?" He patted my should.

I took a minute to respond. I didn't know what to think. The Commander, our fearless leader, was trusting me to keep his ship safe while he was off kicking ass.

"Right. You can count on me, sir. Sorry I doubted your plan, sir." I was sorry. I should have known he had a plan. He wasn't doing this as a last-ditch plan or a random idea. He knows. He knows I'd have to defend this ship, hand to hand, and he's confident in me.

"It's okay, Joker. Now go get ready. Your free to adress the ship."

So I was. I followed him out of the room. He was joined up by Tali by the elevator, where they took the elevator together. That sort of thing sounds like a great idea to me. I walked up to the cockpit and put my hands on Enily's shoulders. She looked up and smiled at me.

"What's up?" She asked.

"Nothing much. It's just, were going to assault a ship, and the Normandy is expected to take a boarding attack... So I thought you and I could maybe take a few minutes off? Just to let off some steam?"

"I would love that. And I know just the place." She replied, giving me her best seductive smile.

She got up and led me to the elevator. I held her hand as we descended to the crew deck. We snuck into the server room. Thankfully, the Doc was out, and Legion was off arming himself for the coming battle. We had some peace and quiet, at last. I drew her into my arms, and she rested her head on my shoulder. For a moment, I wanted to move in and actually kiss her. But I had a lapse of conscience. I realized suddenly how bad an idea this is. We could be court-martialed for this... We could be killed, knowing Cerberus. Knowing Shepard. Knowing the Collectors. I had to say something about it. She must know how bad this could be.

"Emily, wait. Maybe we should think this through." I was serious. Although I had everything I could ever want, here in this room, I hesitated. I could lose it just as easily. I closed my eyes, I don't want to see her expression. I'm sure it would kill me.

"Jeff, I want this."

I opened my eyes. I've seen this before. Emily and I, surrounded by darkness, and red lights. I should've known it was here. And I know what I'm going to say next.

"But, Emily, You're you, and I'm me. It'll never work." I thought those words weren't exactly the best choice. But they slipped out anyway.

I lost myself for a moment. I let my body do what it wants to for a few minutes. My hands wandered, embraced, carressed. I breathed her, her sweet perfume seeping into me and making me lose control. I know this is wrong. But I don't want to fight the best thing I've ever done. But I have to!

"Emily, we can't. You know what'll happen if everyone finds out!" I said. Once more, I said what I said before.

"I don't care anymore! I used to be trapped, but I'm free, and freedom tastes so much better with someone to share it with!" She looked deeply into my eyes. I looked into hers. I saw a woman. Not an AI, not a robot, not a computer program. A real woman, with real love. And she's giving it to me! And I'm refusing it? No. I'm done fighting it. If they find us, then they can ignore us, because I'm not on duty right now. I'm taking my break, and if my break involves loving someone, it's one hell of a break to me. And I'm not skipping this break.

"You know what? Your right." I said. "I love you, Emily. I'm done fighting it. I don't care about anything else right now. We have four hours until we have to be at our posts. Let's make the most of it." I didn't have to think about those words. They fell out of my mouth. I didn't control them. My mind lost itself a minute ago, I don't know how I'm even staying coherent.

"I love you, Jeff. When we first met, in person, I was worried you wouldn't love me. You've only ever seen me as a blue light show, or boxes of data. But now, I'm here with you. And I wouldn't want to be anywhere else." Her words flowed smoothly and fell on my ears. For a moment, we started into each other's eyes, and we belonged. Then, like it was all supposed to have happened long ago, our lips drew together. My head turned, like hers, and we shared a moment that I wouldn't ever forget. My heart was racing, and my face burned with the heat. My neck was going to rupture, my back would just melt, and my eyes were going to pop of their sockets. Her lips were just slightly cooler then mine, and made my hair stand on end. I felt like I had just gotten up too quickly, and I saw blue lightning everywhere.

Suddenly, just when I was going to pull back, she pushed me up against a wall or something. Two can play at this game! I gently spun around so her back was against the wall, and instead of pulling back, I pressed a little harder. She did the same, making the quietest moaning sound in pleasure.

We dove a little deeper into the kiss, losing ourselves in the heat of the moment. Opening my eyes, the lights of the server room were all fully aglow, and it felt like I wasn't on the Normandy anymore. Like I wasn't on any surface at all. She and I were flying.

I pulled back and gasped for air. She laughed at that. I smiled. She smiled back. Drawing her in again, I lost myself again in her eyes. Staring into those blue wells, I lost all ability to think. All I knew or cared about was that she and I were here and alone. And for the next 3 and a half hours, that's all that would matter. Laughing slightly to myself, I realized just how lucky I was.

"What's so funny, love?" She asked me. I laughed a little more.

"I'm just so happy your here with me. I'm luckier then I thought. " I said. It didn't make much sense, and I couldn't say any more, just because I couldn't think.

"You think your lucky?" She asked. "I've lived my life bound to a digital world, and never able to even comprehend love. And within the first week, I've already found the man of my dreams?" She said sweetly.

"I guess your right. But it doesn't matter much to me. You do." I said. For the first time in so long, I had someone to love. Words cannot express how happy I feel. Ecstatic. Overjoyed. Overwhelmed.

"I know how you feel." She commented. We stared into the other's eyes for a moment, until our heads began to move togehter, as though magnetic.

The server lights flared as we went back under.

**Chapter Ten**

We walked of the server room, hands locked together. The Doc gave us a mean little look at first, but then her face softened into a smile, and she gave us a little wave on our way out the door.

The crew made little comments and obnoxious noises on our way to the cockpit. I ignored them. Shepard gave me a thumbs-up, Jacob grinned approvingly. The rest of the squad were at they're various places across the ship, waiting for the call to arms. I looked at Emily, and smiled. She and I walked the last few steps to our seats. I kissed her lightly on the cheek before easing into my own chair. It was time. Adjusting a few settings on the ship, I got ready. I remember how hard it was to manuever into a landing zone last time I did this, I'm going to need my best performance.

Shepard's voice behind me brought my attention to my surroundings:

"We're getting close. Have fun in the server room?" He asked jokingly.

"Why, yes, I did. Thanks for asking." I replied, with no joke intended.

"Good. You're not alone with that." He pointed out. "It helps get stress out."

Ew. That's... Gross. "Good to know, Commander." I said sarcastically.

A few minutes passed. The Commander came and went. He gave minor orders to the crew, mostly confidence boosters. He probably forgot that I'm the only one who knows we're going to fight a real fight.

There it is, a huge Collector ship. A carrier, or maybe a ship designed to repair other ships. No wonder Shepard wants it gone. Looking at the lidar, I picked up a good place, and it looks like it's an entry. Good.

"Commander, I've got it on scope. ETA: two minutes. " I tell him. I can tell he was standing behind me. You can't not notice him.

"Thanks. You've got the ship. Good luck, Joker."

"You too, sir." I said to the Commander. I go through my mind again how this is going to go down. I drop them off, and fight off a boarding party. Then go pick them up, and watch the fireworks. Easy. But like the Commander says, no plan ever really survives the battlefield. So, I'm as ready as posible.

Two minutes are gone. We're here. the squad files out the airlock, beyond the shields, and float to the deck. Fire breaks out, and I watch as they dish out pain. Normal day at the office, for them. Good luck, guys. I pull us out, and set an orbital course around the midsection of the ship. My hands, I notice, are shaking. It's my time. I'm ready. It's not going to happen. They're not walking out of here with anyone. My eyes close and I take deep breaths. I've got to do this. I've been trusted to lead these people to victory. I need to do this. Shepard's counting on me, on us. Yeah. He'll be waiting for me to tell him the bodies are piled up for counting. So I need to tell them. They need to know. Now, Jeff, put on your best face. Do it for Shepard. Do it for yourself. Do it for Emily.

My hands steady as I open my eyes. My gaze levels out on a speck, coming slowly for us. I know what it is. I know what's on it. My legs move on their own and bring me towards the intersection of the hall to my seat, and the CIC. Passing Emily, I mutter to her "Tell me when their close." She nods, and I bring myself to speaking.

"My fellow crewman, you've been led here today for a reason. Shepard is confident in our abilities to kick ass. But not just in space. You must know by now a Collector vessel is closing on us. We're going to be kidnapped again, if we do nothing." My words scared them, I can see. Come on, Joker! Stir the fire in their hearts! "If, my friends we do nothing. We're no letting them take us. We're going to fight back, and if they take us, there will be none of us alive. I can't speak for anyone else aboard, but I'm not going to be taken prisoner. I was not taken last time, due to my ability to run, to hide. Well, I'm done hiding. There is no running, now. We are going to stand on our own ship, and in one voice tell them that this is not a ship to mess with! You were taken by monsters, and now it's time to show them! Time to show them who the real monsters are!" I raised my voice. It was already broadcast ship-wide, but I couldn't help but let my emotions raise it. I walked to the table while I spoke, and lept on the table. "We are to be feared! And we're the baddest bunch out there! We're going to show them that we don't fear the Reaper! Our commander is down there, pissing on their brain cells, and he needs a ride out of there. That's us. We can't let him down!" I licked my lips and swallowed. I could use a drink... "You all have loved ones. They're gazing into the moon, and seeing your face. Mothers, Fathers, lovers. Sisters, Brothers, children. Do this for them! They miss you. They want you to come home. Come home to them! Don't let some messenger give them a paper from the brass, telling them how honorably you died. No! Stories are always better to tell when you can tell them. So go back to them, and tell them how you fought on the Normandy, in the battles of the Reaper Wars, and show them your scars, and let them gasp at the horrors you tell them! But above all, come back to them!" I spread my arms, and pounded my fists together. "Nobody is going to die. Nobody wearing the Normandy uniform. But there will be blood shed today. And there will be bodies to get rid of at the end. It will not be us! So stand with me, today, and show them who rules the skies! Show them who's going to come out on top! Show them, soldiers of the Normandy!" I screamed to them. To my surprise, a chorus of yells met my ears. I swept my arms up and down, and motioned towards the armory in the same motion. "To arms, my friends! Fear no death or darkness! Battle stations!"

I lept off the table, adrenaline pumping, and took off for the pilot's seat. I had my weapon's cache up there. Pumping the thermal clips into my pockets, I loaded myself full of ammunition. I slipped my machine pistols into my pants, and strapped my melee weapon to my back with a custom strap I got on Illium. Lastly, I pulled my assault rifle from it's case with the custom colors, and stroked it's handle. Feeding it's clip into it's place, I made sure it was live. Good. It's time.

"They're in range!" Emily said to me.

"I know." I had been watching them draw closer.

Emily had a machine pistol in one hand and a reproduction sword in the other. Classic. She got up, and I pulled her to me. Feeling her heart race and her breath pulse, I kissed her one last time before the storm. I drew away, and walked down the hall, with her at my side. Every man and woman in the room was armed, and had backpack shield generators. I remembered to get mine, and ran to the armory. Strapping it on, I noticed some paint by the table. Dipping my two fingers into the cool, black liquid, I drew two lines across my cheeks. War paint. How fitting.

I walked back into the CIC. The floors had been raised to make cover, and the table had been lowered, making a smooth floor, except the Commander's place, with the railing. Plates had been raised to cover that, and a couple of the crew pointed me to it. Emily stood on one side, leaving me room to stand with her. I stood up, weapon pointed at the hallway. The dull crackling of the doors being forced open stopped, as they gained access. I watched as the first of those bugs turned to face us, and raised his weapon.

"Give them Hell!" I yelled, moving my hand forward.

Shots lit the soldier up. He didn't have a chance. The guns fried him, and the next one, and the one after that. Their smoldering bodies piled up by the door. For a moment, there was only quiet. I rasied my closed fist, and stood. Everyone peeked over the barriers. Nothing. Nothing at al-

_Booophhmmh_ A blue blast shined off the floor as the abomination walked in. Blowing away the bodies of his compatriots, no regard for them, he cleared a way for himself. A scion. I knew what this was, and what I had to do. Pulling on my oxygen helmet, I readied my nerves for what I was about to do. Looking down at Emily, I gave her a smile and said "I love you."

I vaulted over the railing, throwing aside my assault rifle. Gripping the handle of my melee weapon, I ran towards the monstrosity. I let out an animalistic yell as I swung the clawed end into the gap between the armor plates. Bullets did little to him, but the sick tearing of flesh I caused surely did something, as I opened him up to fire, and several shots hit home. In an atempt to kill me, he swung his mutilated arm cannon around, which I hacked off with the cutting edge of my weapon. You'd call it an axe. He made a sickly gasping sound, which became a gurgling as he began spewing fluids all over the floor. I got out of the way as he fell to the ground. There was a grunt Collector closing the gap between my ship and his, and I noticed in time to turn about and slice his head clean off through the shields.

I didn't like where I was, so I ran back to the barriers, slipping on blue goo as I jumped. Minutes more of combat passed uneventfully. We held off the attackers until we noticed their ship leaving, along with two others, which I assume off loaded onto Engineering. Calling my men down there, I asked how it was.

"Joker to Engineering. How are you guys holding up?"

"Daniels to Joker, we're doing good. They're all dead, and we've only got two wounded. None lost on our side."

That was a relief. Everyone would be leaving this intact.

"Good job, everyone. Maintain positions, in case of annother attack." I asked of her. She did well.

"Roger that." She said.

I waited. Checked up on the ship, no damage, good. I had a few minutes to spare. Of course, they've got to send annother attack.

"Joker! Do you read?" Shepard's voice buzzed over the commlink. He sounded stressed, and there was a lot of gunfire, coupled with heavy static.

"I read you, sir!" I replied calmly.

"We need you and the shuttle in here now! Come in the port side opening!"

I was shocked. It looks like I'll be doing more then just shooting this time.

"Aye, aye. On my way!" I almost yelled back.

"Emily, hold the ship! I need to go rescue the landing crew." I asked of my girl on the way to the elevator.

"Aye, aye!" She said. Before the door closed on me, I managed to build up my courage for an "I love you!" before the doors shut.

Check, check check. All systems are good, all I need now is to open the bay doors.

They opened slowly, on the endless expanse of space. And below, a dark hole in a brown mountain with my name on it. I feather the throttle, and the shuttle takes off. Time for one wild ride.

The hole is big enough for seven or either shuttles to fly in at once, and I have no trouble getting in. No resistance. Wending my way into the tunnels of the ship, I can only stare at piles of bodies on the floors, and spikes with limbs and bodies hanging off at odd angles. The occasional Collector looked up at me as I flew by, but the halls below me are mostly deserted.

The halls around me light steadily as I near what must be the interior of the ship. The shuttle is dwarfed by the room I enter: I think it's about a mile or two in height, and three or four in length. "Oh my god." I remark to myself aloud. A network of catwalks and ramps run just about everywhere, and I find myself dodging and ducking between them. A large cluster near the end of the room draws my attention: They all lead up to a larger version of the crystal I shot on that colony a few days ago. And on the catwalks directly next to the crystal, my eyes find Shepard and the others fighting off swarms of Collectors. It doesn't look good, either. I think it's time to make their job easier.

While picking out targets and firing, I slow my speed down to a reasonable speed, so I don't slam into the wall at the end. Seeing the need for a dramatic entrance, I flipped the tunes to an old ballad, 'Flight of the Valkyries' and finish the job. Pulling up to the landing zone, I move into pickup position next to a catwalk. The team all pile in, shooting as they go. Legion takes the turret facing the enemies, and Shepard gives me a grin as he takes his seat next to me.

"Get us out of here!" He yells to me over the roaring of the engines and the blaring creshendoes of the music.

"Can do!" I yell back. I can do this.

Spinning us 90 degress, I make a mad dash for the exit.

"Normandy, this is Joker, we're going to be coming in soon. Open the hatch, and be ready to put the drives into warp!" I call to the ship.

I reduce speed so we don't scrape any walls when we fly around the corner into the tunnel I came in. The tunnel is swarming now, with drones, and I starting blazing my cannons. The rear turrets, I hear, are active, too. The occasional enemy is lifted up by blue energy and flies alongside us for a few seconds, before being flung into the crowds.

"Looks like you really kicked the beehive this time, boss!" I scream at Shepard.

He smiles at me and nods.

I put my eyes back on the craft as we hurtle down towards the opening. As we do, a massive shockwave rocks the ship. My systems all blow, and all of my meters start giving me weird readings, but the engines still work, so I don't care. What looks like an EMP has gone off, and the majority of the drones below have stopped moving. Soon enough, I can see light coming from behind us. Undoubtably a fireball, and it's gaining fast. The walls must be compounding the blast. There it is! Just in time. The opening to the caverns is right ahead, and just beyond, I can see the warm, welcoming cargo bay. The Normandy is right where it should be.

The last meters are covered when the entire ship behind us shudders under an enourmous shockwave. The warp drives engage, and the Normandy speeds away. Flames still lick at the shuttle, as we're covered in some sort of burning gas. After a few seconds, the flames die, and I open the doors.

Everyone gets out, except me. I can't really walk. I've just flown through hell, and I need a moment. Feeling my heart settle down a bit, I get out and lock the shuttle up in it's fasteners.

And standing by the door is my Companion, Emily. She smiles as I stride over to her, and pull her into a deep hug. I really need a hug right now.

"I was so worried about you. When you dropped off my scope, I didn't know if you had made it into the hold or not."

"I did, love." I said in a strained tone. I was over-taxed, and I could use some time alone with Emily, and a warm bed. But, for the moment, I'm content to share a kiss with her under the flickering lights of the cargo hold.

And the Normandy drifted on through space.

**The End.**

And so the story ends, with the hero in the arms of his loved one, and the universe a little safer then before. I hope you've enjoyed this piece of my mind, as I've enjoyed the time I spent writing it. Long hours spent over two nights, my screen lit up with the light of the moniter, and the air filled with the clacks and clicks of the keyboard, coupled with songs that drift in and out of my mind, and the Youtube bar behind. Thank you for taking the time to read this little ballad.


End file.
